But aren't you scared? You are so valiant to come here and live alone. (the phrase I most often hear is tienes valor and valor means courage or valiance.) I think all volunteers hear these comments a lot, especially the girls, but I've never really stopped to ask myself why Salvadorans might say such things.
Well, first, Peace Corps volunteers really are courageous people. Agreeing to leave friends and family back home for two years to go off to a country, culture and community unlike anything you have probably experienced before. I think the Peace Corps is kind of self-selecting – only courageous people will apply! However, I think Americans in general are also pretty courageous. It's common, normal and often times expected, that children will move out of the house at 18. Going off to college is often a chance to live as far away from your family as possible. We travel by ourselves and seek out new experiences and challenges. Sometimes, it's the little things that show you are “courageous”, like being willing to try a Wendy's Frosty with fries, or bushwack just to prove to yourself you can find your own way.
Now of course being courageous does not mean being stupid, it means taking calculated risks. And, watch out, here comes a gross generalization! most Salvadorans I have met do not exude courageousness in terms of trying new things. It's a culture thing, I believe. Family is the central focus of almost anything that people do, so striking out on your own is not really considered, and as an extension of that, trying new things is not sought out. Of course, there are always exceptions. I think each Peace Corps volunteer could count off a handful of people they know that are courageous in terms of trying new things. But as an example of not trying new things, I give you the following.
The national “carb” (I'm convinced all countries have a national “carb” they are known for – calzone, empanada, gyro, steamed bun, samosa, sub sandwich etc. - and all of them are pretty tasty too!!) and El Salvador is known for pupusas. It's a corn meal dough that is filled with cheese and tasty things like beans, chicken, spinach etc., flattened out like a tortilla and cooked on a griddle 'till piping hot. Salvadorans eat pupusas like it's their job, and thus, Peace Corps volunteers do too. But sometimes we get bored with the same thing, so we invent. Some volunteers have tried making sweet pupusas in their home, often with plain cheese and plantain or something similar. Now suggest such a thing to a Salvadoran, and they give you a face as if you had just suggested that they replace their morning cup of coffee with curdled milk. When you remind them that just that morning they ate fried plantain and tortilla, (essentially the same thing as a pupusa with plantain inside) they will scoff at the idea that you could mix those things before you eat them and that the result would be something tasty! Meh. I tried!
I have had some success stories, though. I was in Wendy's extolling the virtues of a Frosty and fries to yet another person (this might be my life's crusade!*) and as I was emphatically dipping a fry into the chocolatey goodness, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a Salvadoran trying it as well. We made eye contact, he smiled approvingly and went on to share this new delicacy with his table mates. Score one for me!
So with the previous in mind, it's understandable that Salvadorans would say “you are so courageous for living here.” Because to them, we are courageous. But for most of us, this is just seen as yet another new experience to add to our list of accumulated “things I've done”. And part of this courageousness that they place on our heads, stems from the fact that many Salvadorans think their country is besieged with violence and not worthy of people visiting it. This also is a gross generalization, but it's sadly often true. I know of a handful of Salvadorans who live in the States, and when they come back here to visit family and friends, they cut their trip short because they can't stand their own country. Now I must be honest, I don't want to spend my entire life here in El Salvador, but it is a beautiful, interesting and worthwhile place to spend some time getting to know and it pains me that so many Salvadorans don't appreciate their own country. And some of this stems from the fact that they are scared of the violence and situation of delinquency in the country.
Which brings me back to the original question. “Aren't you scared to live alone?” Short answer – no. I am trying to live my life by the sage advice of my dad - “if you're going to worry about something, worry about the things you can control, and not the things you can't.” So when someone asks me – aren't you scared to live alone? I always ask them, “scared of what?” And I never get a response back. Just a general shoulder shrugging, as if to suggest that one should live in fear because that's what you do. But what they mean to say is, “aren't you scared of all the news, every day, of more violence?”
Now, I must be clear, living in El Salvador is not a cake walk, and I understand that violence and fear are a daily reality for the Salvadorans, something that most Americans never have to deal with, or at least not this consistently. But most often the violence is not purely random. There was often some previous clash, or drug related something, but still, random violence does happen. So I understand why they might suggest that “well, it's just violent out there, Carol”. And yes, it may be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in the house with someone else just to feel safer. If something bad is going to happen, it's probably going to happen no matter whom you are living with. Besides, I tell them, I have my dog!
But of course I take precautions, and make sure that I am as safe as I can be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to worry about the things I can't control. Sometimes it surprises me, because for a country with so much fe en Dios, people really do worry about the little things. I would have thought that more people would leave things in God's hands (or whatever larger, guiding force you may believe in). But maybe it's something that takes practice.
And this leads back to being valiant for trying new things. I think the two are related. If you are constantly worrying about things you can't control, you really won't have time or energy to seek out new experiences. So as part of fulfilling the second goal of Peace Corps – to help other countries experience and appreciate American culture (the third goal is to help Americans experience and appreciate other cultures) I try to help Salvadorans step outside their comfort zone and try something new – whether it's getting on a bus and going somewhere they've never been, or even just trying a Frosty with fries! So you, get out there today and try something new, too. And seriously, if you have never had a Frosty with fries, try it!
*No, Wendy's is not sponsoring this blog.
