try it, maybe you'll like it

But aren't you scared? You are so valiant to come here and live alone. (the phrase I most often hear is tienes valor and valor means courage or valiance.) I think all volunteers hear these comments a lot, especially the girls, but I've never really stopped to ask myself why Salvadorans might say such things.

Well, first, Peace Corps volunteers really are courageous people. Agreeing to leave friends and family back home for two years to go off to a country, culture and community unlike anything you have probably experienced before. I think the Peace Corps is kind of self-selecting – only courageous people will apply! However, I think Americans in general are also pretty courageous. It's common, normal and often times expected, that children will move out of the house at 18. Going off to college is often a chance to live as far away from your family as possible. We travel by ourselves and seek out new experiences and challenges. Sometimes, it's the little things that show you are “courageous”, like being willing to try a Wendy's Frosty with fries, or bushwack just to prove to yourself you can find your own way.

Now of course being courageous does not mean being stupid, it means taking calculated risks. And, watch out, here comes a gross generalization! most Salvadorans I have met do not exude courageousness in terms of trying new things. It's a culture thing, I believe. Family is the central focus of almost anything that people do, so striking out on your own is not really considered, and as an extension of that, trying new things is not sought out. Of course, there are always exceptions. I think each Peace Corps volunteer could count off a handful of people they know that are courageous in terms of trying new things. But as an example of not trying new things, I give you the following.

The national “carb” (I'm convinced all countries have a national “carb” they are known for – calzone, empanada, gyro, steamed bun, samosa, sub sandwich etc. - and all of them are pretty tasty too!!) and El Salvador is known for pupusas. It's a corn meal dough that is filled with cheese and tasty things like beans, chicken, spinach etc., flattened out like a tortilla and cooked on a griddle 'till piping hot. Salvadorans eat pupusas like it's their job, and thus, Peace Corps volunteers do too. But sometimes we get bored with the same thing, so we invent. Some volunteers have tried making sweet pupusas in their home, often with plain cheese and plantain or something similar. Now suggest such a thing to a Salvadoran, and they give you a face as if you had just suggested that they replace their morning cup of coffee with curdled milk. When you remind them that just that morning they ate fried plantain and tortilla, (essentially the same thing as a pupusa with plantain inside) they will scoff at the idea that you could mix those things before you eat them and that the result would be something tasty! Meh. I tried!

I have had some success stories, though. I was in Wendy's extolling the virtues of a Frosty and fries to yet another person (this might be my life's crusade!*) and as I was emphatically dipping a fry into the chocolatey goodness, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a Salvadoran trying it as well. We made eye contact, he smiled approvingly and went on to share this new delicacy with his table mates. Score one for me!

So with the previous in mind, it's understandable that Salvadorans would say “you are so courageous for living here.” Because to them, we are courageous. But for most of us, this is just seen as yet another new experience to add to our list of accumulated “things I've done”. And part of this courageousness that they place on our heads, stems from the fact that many Salvadorans think their country is besieged with violence and not worthy of people visiting it. This also is a gross generalization, but it's sadly often true. I know of a handful of Salvadorans who live in the States, and when they come back here to visit family and friends, they cut their trip short because they can't stand their own country. Now I must be honest, I don't want to spend my entire life here in El Salvador, but it is a beautiful, interesting and worthwhile place to spend some time getting to know and it pains me that so many Salvadorans don't appreciate their own country. And some of this stems from the fact that they are scared of the violence and situation of delinquency in the country.

Which brings me back to the original question. “Aren't you scared to live alone?” Short answer – no. I am trying to live my life by the sage advice of my dad - “if you're going to worry about something, worry about the things you can control, and not the things you can't.” So when someone asks me – aren't you scared to live alone? I always ask them, “scared of what?” And I never get a response back. Just a general shoulder shrugging, as if to suggest that one should live in fear because that's what you do. But what they mean to say is, “aren't you scared of all the news, every day, of more violence?”

Now, I must be clear, living in El Salvador is not a cake walk, and I understand that violence and fear are a daily reality for the Salvadorans, something that most Americans never have to deal with, or at least not this consistently. But most often the violence is not purely random. There was often some previous clash, or drug related something, but still, random violence does happen. So I understand why they might suggest that “well, it's just violent out there, Carol”. And yes, it may be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to lock myself up in the house with someone else just to feel safer. If something bad is going to happen, it's probably going to happen no matter whom you are living with. Besides, I tell them, I have my dog!

But of course I take precautions, and make sure that I am as safe as I can be, but that doesn't mean I'm going to worry about the things I can't control. Sometimes it surprises me, because for a country with so much fe en Dios, people really do worry about the little things. I would have thought that more people would leave things in God's hands (or whatever larger, guiding force you may believe in). But maybe it's something that takes practice.

And this leads back to being valiant for trying new things. I think the two are related. If you are constantly worrying about things you can't control, you really won't have time or energy to seek out new experiences. So as part of fulfilling the second goal of Peace Corps – to help other countries experience and appreciate American culture (the third goal is to help Americans experience and appreciate other cultures) I try to help Salvadorans step outside their comfort zone and try something new – whether it's getting on a bus and going somewhere they've never been, or even just trying a Frosty with fries! So you, get out there today and try something new, too. And seriously, if you have never had a Frosty with fries, try it!

*No, Wendy's is not sponsoring this blog.

project update

I'm sitting in my “office”, a coffee shop with WIFI, about 40 minutes from San Antonio. I come here about once every other week or so to catch up on email, get new NPR and BBC podcasts and generally detox. It's quiet, calm and air conditioned! here so I can actually focus on getting stuff done. Here's an update on what I've got going on right now.

Currently we are in the middle of a teacher training here in San Miguel. Together with 4 other PC volunteers, we are teaching teachers about participatory teaching techniques – dynamic activities, and how to run mini-field trips. The trainings seem to be going well – the teachers are responding and participating, and when we debrief after each session, they also have good pointers and suggestions about how these techniques can be incorporated and modified to fit the realities of each individual school! (success!) We finish up this Saturday with a mini-graduation and presentation of diplomas. We are also planning a larger teacher camp in May where we will go to the northern pueblo of Perquin and do daily field trips and excursions to help teachers see how easy it is to incorporate outdoor experiences in their daily teaching. I was super excited because a couple weeks ago, two teachers that I had invited to a similar teacher training we did last November, wanted to take their second graders on a walk to the river nearby the school and do activities and such there. They invited me to come and participate and I was so happy to be there and super proud of those teachers for doing something new!

Also, we are moving forward with the stove project in the school. We have received funding, and are now in the process of ordering materials, and planning the renovation of the kitchen. We are planning to do most of the work during Easter Break so as not so disturb the preparation of the school provided snack. I am very gratefully to everyone who donated and promise to include before and after photos!

My woman’s group has successfully made their first batch of soap and they are very interested in keeping it going. This first batch was just to test out the recipe and see if they like the product. Also to experiment with different ingredients. The only bummer is that the product requires a month to fully set up, but I told them that if they make soap every week, after the first month of waiting, they will have product becoming available every week! Hopefully they jump on that. They have been very successful with making shampoo, but the main ingredient can only be purchased in San Salvador, a 3 hour bus ride away. For soap, all the ingredients can be purchased in San Antonio! so super easy!

With the eco-club in the school, we are assisting with the school-wide recycling initiative. Before I arrived in San Antonio the school was recycling (selling) soda cans, but this year they have also started selling plastic bottles, paper and also composting. The eco-club is helping remind people to classify the garbage and put each specific type in it's respective place. We have been making posters to put up around the school. It's definitely an up hill battle because habits die hard and most people here are used to just throwing trash on the ground wherever; very rarely does it make it in a garbage can, and almost never is the garbage separated, but we are trying!

I've been helping write grants for two exciting book projects. One is a coloring/activity book all about the environment. Alicea (http://aliceacock-esteb.blogspot.com/) is making the book and has word searches, connect-the-dots, mazes, matching, at-home activities, easy math, and lots of fun coloring! Another volunteer, Nicole, is doing some beautiful picture books with story lines related to the environment – a curious water drop goes on a trip through the water cycle, a melancholy tree learns his importance in the web of life, an intelligent worm helps his fellow worms understand their role in helping a farmer's soil be healthy. Both are incredibly talented and creative artists and we are all very excited to get these books published.

Some trainings are coming up where I have the opportunity to invite some community counterparts to learn about small business development, as well as product elaboration. I have invited two members of the woman's group who have been involved since the beginning, and really the driving force behind the group's energy. Each has great ideas for future projects – aquaponics, selling shampoo in other communities as well, setting up a little cafe in San Antonio etc. So I really want them to attend these trainings and learn how to make the most of their energy, time and investments.

Man it feels good to be working!

curbside lessons

Niña Toña is sitting on the curb in front of her house and she invites me to sit and join her. “I used to sit out here every night with Niña Berta until 11, but now it's too dangerous, and she moved away. I miss it.” I sit down and my dog lays down beside me. It's early evening and finally cooling off from the heat of the day. People are coming and going on the main street with black plastic shopping bags in hand, kids in tow, or pailas (wash basins) on their heads. “Buenas Noches” they call out. Sometimes “salu”. Everyone in the community seems to know her and she everyone else, so lots of people stop to chat. We platicar (chat) a bit. Laugh too – often about something I've done or said. But tonight I don't mind. I just like being on the curb with Niña Toña. She has been a friend, mentor and grandma to me ever since I arrived in San Antonio, about a year and a half ago. Even though she never studied beyond second grade, she has quite a lot to teach people about living their life well.

Work Hard
Niña Toña was born in the mid to late 40s. She's not sure and at this point she doesn't really care. From her first marriage she had five children, but one of them passed away. Then her husband passed away. She remarried and had one more child, and then husband number two passed away. So she was left to raise her five surviving children by herself. She remembers working in the cafetales (coffee fields) on the San Miguel volcano, basket for cafe in front, and a child strapped to her back. “Those were hard days” she tells me. “But what else could I do? My family had to eat and it was just me.” Her children are all grown now, and one even made it all the way through university. She is rightfully proud of the life she has provided for her children. But she's not just twiddling her thumbs now into her old age. She still works. Every day she makes tortillas to sell and some days she sells 7 dollars worth of tortillas. She hasn't stopped working yet, and she says that she won't stop until she absolutely can't work anymore. She gets too bored if she doesn't work.

Play Hard
However, it's not like Niña Toña only works. She spends a good part of her day visiting friends, vagando as they say. She also goes to almost every vela (wake) and entierro (burial) in the community, as well as every celebracion and vigilia at her church. She's an incredibly religious woman, but she tells me that she also just enjoys the company at the events. It's a chance to visit and check in on lots of people and see how they're doing. When I was new to San Antonio she was the one who took me around, introducing me to people for the entrevistas (interviews). We eventually visited 50 families and stopped there, but not because we ran out of people she knew, it was because I needed to wrap up the diagnostic. She could have kept going day after day taking me to other friends' houses and we probably would have eventually visited all 600 houses in San Antonio. For an old lady she sure does have a good time.

Give Thanks
And almost a year and half later I'm still hanging out with Niña Toña. Sitting on the curb in front of her house that night she asks me if I want a tamale. She won't let me say no. “They're pisque” (filled with beans) she says. “And they're spicy.” Okay, I'm game. She brings back one for each of us and we eat them with our fingers. As we finish eating she says “Gracias a Dios, ya comimos.” (Thanks to God, we've now eaten.) I nod in agreement. While I don't completely agree with whom she's giving thanks to - I mean, she made the tamales! - I do like the idea of giving thanks, and giving it frequently. I think it's important to acknowledge the sources of our continued existence and Niña Toña does so after every meal and cada rato (every chance) during the day. Whether for you that means thanking God, your parents, the United States Government, your own two hands, Mother Earth, or something in between, I think thanksgiving is a good lesson.

Last Lesson
It's become dark in the time we've been sitting on the curb. The neighbors across the street turn on an outside light and we can see again the people walking up and down the street. The same neighbors have twin girls – 3 years old and quite a handful. I guess it's bed time because all of a sudden a great racket starts up from inside their house. I shake my head and chuckle but refrain from commenting on their parenting skills. Niña Toña seems to understand what I'm getting at. She looks over at me, puts her hand on my knee and says to me in a voice that seems to say – you'll understand when you have kids - “No, Carol, it's okay. Kids need to scream a lot when their little. It develops their vocal cords.” Well, I guess no one can be full of sage advice 100% of the time. But Niña Toña sure gets close.

a typical day - year two

I'm woken up at 5:30 am by the chickens and dogs. I try to roll back over for some more shut eye. 6 am and the radio station starts praising God at an ungodly volume. I can never actually understand the man, so I just assume that's what he's doing. What else could he be talking about for 30 minutes? I toss and turn, trying to smother the garbled words with my pillow, but to no avail. So I resignedly get out of bed. Besides, it's creeping up to 80 degrees already and I for one don't like sleeping in that kind of weather, so up and at 'em Carol, let's greet the day!

But first I have to acknowledge Monkey. As soon as she hears me stirring, she tries to stick her nose under the mosquito net. Some days she's successful. Most days she's not, so she just lies down to wait. Right where I put my feet. So sometimes I step on her. Oops. As I get up and head to the bathroom, she follows me. Don't know if this is normal dog behavior (and I know it's not a proper conversation topic among gentleman and ladies, but who am I kidding, you guys aren't any of those things!) but she really just likes to sit there while I do my morning business. Sometimes she'll put a paw up on my leg, as if to offer moral support or something, but most of the time she just curls up in a corner for another cat nap and waits for me to move on the next morning task. (I swear, dogs really do sleep about 16 hours a day.)

Lately the winds have been blowing ridiculously hard and frequently, and that combined with the dry season means lots of dust and leaves inside my house every day. So I begin the Sisyphean task of sweeping out all the dust and leaves. And it blows right back in. That, combined with the incredible amount of shedding that goes on in the house means that it's quite impossible to keep the house clean. Oh well. I tried. On to the next task.

The dishes are starting to sprout legs and arms so I decide I should wash them. The first splash of water from the guacal sends the ants and other creepy crawlies that have set up shop scurrying. The frogs hiding in the moistness of the drain pipes come hopping out much to Monkey's everlasting enjoyment and I get on with the washing.

Then I proceed to water the worms. Yes, the worms. I have a worm box where I put all my kitchen scraps, save for meats, fats and oil etc. The worms are a happy as pigs in mud, or worms in dirt I guess, eating away at all the awesomeness I throw in there. And for little to no work, I get organic fertilizer. Well, except I have to water them. Which if anybody were walking by and saw me dumping water into a box full of dirt that never seems to be sprouting anything, they meet just consider me even crazier than they already think I am.

So with all those tasks out of the way, it's on to my workout – thanks Jillian Michaels for proving that it IS possible for me to sweat even more than I thought I could! Oh and she's right, she will get you 6 pack abs if you follow her workouts religiously. Mine are still hiding in the little blue igloo cooler, but not as much as before. So onward shredded one!

Next is breakfast, with Monkey underfoot, hoping that just this once the delicious creation will be for her and not the food from that stinkin' bag of dry dog food! It's now about 9 o'clock or so and time to do some real work. The new school year is just around the corner, so I've been heading to school to help the teachers get the classrooms ready for students. It feels like kindergarten because it's lots of cutting and tracing and gluing up decorations and signs around the rooms. Just the type of “creative” things that I'm good at, so yay for artistic therapy!

In the afternoon I head back to my house where I work on project ideas, proposals, calendars or paperwork. I also spend some time reading, and every once and a while I have to test out the hammocks just to make sure they are still functioning. Because even though the siesta is not an officially recognized pasttime in this country, I think it's a shame to lose this marvelous tradition and am doing my part to bring it back! So I practice my hammock napping skills and then it's time for my afternoon rounds. I go to visit my neighbors in the women's group and we chat about future or current projects. How their shampoo is going, what they want to learn next etc. Evening rolls around with the cool breezes – the plus of being in a desert, the sun goes down and the temperature drops about 10 degrees. So that's my time to be out and about. I visit until I'm hungry and then I excuse myself and head home.

Once home, I make dinner, then relax and read as late as I want. But not too late. Cause I need to get my sleep so that I can get up at 5:30 again when the rooster crows!

2011 - the year to get things done!

During training in Peace Corps, the older volunteers frequently tell the "newbies" that they should watch out, because their time will fly. And they are right. Part of this realization came about when I discovered that I haven't written a blog post in over 3 months! Sorry. Also, a new group of volunteers will be coming in soon, and that means that my group will be the "senior" class and that means we are almost done. But, before I can be "done" I need to do some work. (I'm still not sure what "done" means for me, and even when exactly that will take place, but that's a whole other issue.)

I am back in El Salvador after visiting family in the United States for Christmas (and what a great time I had - thanks to you all!) So I'm well rested and ready to get started. School begins soon and I'm looking forward to working again with students, teachers and the Salvadoran version of the school's P.T.A. I hope to move forward with getting fuel efficient stoves in the school kitchen, as well as getting all the teachers trained in interactive teaching techniques that they can then apply to their lessons with all students. Last year the trainings were geared more towards science teachers, but I think I feel comfortable incorporating all teachers. Besides, not all teachers will go for it, and this way the trainings are more likely to have some sort of impact on more teachers, and therefore more students. And the more people we can effect, the better!

The women's group is going well, but I'd like to formalize the purpose a little bit - emotional support group, small income generation, time to just sit and chat or what? And all of those things are important, and we should probably do all, and can do all, at the same time, but I'd still like to formalize something. Not sure if that means a mission statement, but I think we'll let it work itself out. On another note, I'm so proud of them all because while I was gone in the states I was afraid things would kind of fall apart, but some women kept making shampoo to sell and they even contacted someone to give them jewelry making classes. Yay for self motivated people!

The other project I'd really like to more forward with involved something that the Japanese volunteers in San Antonio have been trying to make happen for over 3 years now. San Antonio has tried twice to get garbage collection going and both times the service has failed because it was not financially solvent. I'm hoping that I can inject some energy and new ideas and convince people to try another time. We are going to try and get a subsidized price at the landfill, as well as educate residents about the type of trash they put out to be collected so that people aren't throwing away 3 50pound bags of garbage a week! (And the fee is a paltry $3 a month for pickup - that barely even covers the dumping fee at the landfill, let alone gas and paying the driver's and collectors' wages.)

Together with other volunteers, we are planning more regional teacher trainings, as well as a kids environmental camp. I like these kind of projects because they get me out of San Antonio - because even though it's on the larger size in terms of Peace Corps placements in El Salvador, it still feels like a fish bowl. Also, it's nice working with other volunteers because the energy involved is different. Not necessarily better than working with Salvadorans, just different. And that change of pace is really appreciated when things seem to be getting bogged down. It also involves lots of networking as well as grant writing and I know those skills will pay off in the future. So lots of fun ideas and projects in the starting gate. Just wanted to let you in on them all. Now to get crackin!

change, please!

"Stay safe!"
Those might not have been my parents' exact parting words when they dropped me off at the Holiday Inn: Georgetown for predeparture orientation, but I think that those are the understood parting words for anybody going off on a trip, especially for two years of Peace Corps in a developing country. So how are we doing so far?

Well, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much! (So don't worry!) But what about everything else? Aaaaaand, that's where things get interesting. I have never spent more than 1 month in any one country, so I haven't had a chance to really get into, understand and, honestly, care about, daily national news in another country. But dang are things interesting here!

So if you didn't know - and I know my mom is probably trying to forget - El Salvador has a gang problem. There are two big ones - Mara Salvatrucha aka MS, and roughly translated to - slippery Salvadoran trout gang, and 18. And these gangs are good; organized and integrated in all aspects of public life: politics, police, education, transportation etc. Many of them have made it to the United States, joined gangs there, learned good tricks, were arrested, learned even better tricks in jail in the United States, and then got deported. (Actually, I think these gangs have cells in the United States now as well.) So now El Salvador has a growing gang problem, and not nearly enough money, man power or experience to deal with them all in their jails. But they're trying. They just passed a really... strict? progressive? intelligent? stupid? anti-gang law that has caused quite a push back by the gangs. And it looks like things are going to get worse before they get better. What do I mean?

Okay. The anti-gang law is kind of like Arizona's anti-immigrant law - if the police even think that you might be in a gang, they can stop you, arrest you, and put you in jail, just for suspicion of being in a gang. Well, of course gang members don't like this. So much so that the two rival gangs - MS and 18 - issued an unprecedented joint press release that threatened violence to any public transportation unit on the streets during a three day period unless the law was rescinded. Well, the law was not rescinded, and the country shut down for three days because no buses ran for fear of the threat of violence - with reason of course. Some buses that were running were stopped and one driver was pulled out and shot, and then the bus was torched. So things are pretty serious, but really only in the capitol, and Peace Corps is nice enough to not pay us enough to be able to spend much time there. :)

What happens next? We all watch our back, make sure that we are on a bus with two doors (for a quicker exit) and try to travel as infrequently as possible. And the gangs stay in power. We have some awesome volunteers here working in Youth Development (and other volunteers from other programs that have youth groups as well) that work to show kids that there is another way to live your life. You don't have to be in a gang. But it's especially hard when many dads are working in other places - often the United States, so the boys lack strong, positive male role models. Some of them go looking for and then find that role model in a gang member and the problem continues. Especially when gang members are in the same police force that is trying to stop them. The armed forces have been deployed to patrol streets and buses with the police to try and bring security, but, there are gang members in the army as well.

So we hope for change in the youth. But also a change in attitudes towards reporting. There is great fear in this country towards reporting crimes, or turning in someone. Much of this fear can be traced back to the civil war were people were pulled out of their homes in the middle of the night and shot for supporting the national army, or the guerilla fighters. And so people learned to keep their mouths shut. You didn't support anyone, or you supported whoever was asking you who you supported.

Right now, the gangs get their money from extortions, and collecting "rent". They collect rent from everyone - the little tienda on the corner, to the big supermarkets in the city; sweet little grandma sitting on the corner, to juan fulano executive. If you don't pay up, you won't be able to rely on that gang for "protection". Of course, it will be that same gang that will come and rob you, or shoot the place up. But people pay and stay mum about the whole thing. There are anonymous tip lines and special police divisions just to deal with extortions, but people won't report. They are afraid that someone will find out they told, and then they will really get it. So they pay and the money keeps coming in and the gangs keep working.

But times are changing. While some people probably think that young adults put way to much personal information online, there is still a certain anonymity to be found. And young salvadorans are realizing this. I was recently talking with some university students. They are fed up with the corruption in the public university system, and they are planning on making a facebook page and encouraging people to post comments and pictures detailing the corruption that they have seen so that something can be done. It's not exactly related to gangs, but it's a great first start for people in this country to feel comfortable with telling someone else when they've seen something outside the law.
Here's to hope and change!

photos!!!

the dinner I write about in the next post. The Banyan Tree for light reading, On Food and Cooking for urgent food questions, cell phone awaiting texts from my salvo boyfriend... just kidding...I swear! wine bottle candle holder for the inevitable power outages, water bottle for the all important hydration and the awesome (albiet half-eaten, sorry!) pizza.

some awesome bread that I made. yes it's braided! one is roasted garlic, sun-dried tomato and basil, and the other one is cinnamon sugar. I would have put raisins in the last one, but I didn't have any. Oh well, next time.

the beautiful cocina that I talk about. Thanks mom and dad!

an embarrassingly awful picture. but the only one I had to show how much Monkey has grown. She's definitely still the runt of the litter. We ran into one of her brothers on the street, and he's bigger than she.

caramel corn. "woooow, it's sticky!"

hanging up hammocks for all my guests to sleep on. We tried this one without any extra rope, just hooked the loops on the hammock into the hooks in the wall and we got the tautest hammock in the world! We were joking around that you could make hammock bunk beds that way. If a lot of friends (like more than 7) ever came to visit, we'll have to! (Actually, no, really bad idea. Because the hammock is so taut, there's really no give in it and as you can see no side protection. One roll and you're on the ground. About 5 feet down!)

this country is definitely helping me get over my bug "problem" but I'm sorry, there is no need for scorpions. Yes, it's dead. And I know I don't have the world's largest feet or anything, but...heeeey buddy!

this little guy was one of my favorites. I think I mentioned him in an earlier post, but here he is. Instead of a costume during the eco-parade, he just carried a plant. Awesome!

the desfile (parade) ecologica. most of the girls dressed up as fairies and princesses, but most of the guys got the animals. However, they looked like walking pinatas! (blogger won't let me put the ~ over the n... sorry!)