waiting to see

Acabamos de terminar la segunda ronda de capacitación y todavía siento… extraña. I had to put that in Spanish because I think it just adds to the vibe I’m trying to express. (We just finished the second round of training and I still feel….weird.) Not bad weird, not good weird, but maybe anxious weird?

Training was great. We stayed at the ENA – Escuela Nacional de Agricultura. We lived in a house on the campus, and ate all our meals at the cafeteria. It was weird being back on a campus because I thought I was done with that lifestyle for a while. It was nice to see students relaxing on the “quad”, shooting hoops or hanging out at the little store. But the students were speaking Spanish, playing baloncesto or basquetbol, and the little store sold yucca chips and fresh mango.

Training was not as comprehensive as I thought it would be, but I guess that’s because there’s no way to become an expert in so many diverse fields in such a short amount of time. Instead, we were introduced to lots of different topics that might lead to projects for us and our communities, and more importantly, we were given the contact information of people that can help us make the projects a reality. For instance – lombriculture (worm bins!); compost and green fertilizer; home and school gardens; natural, and simple, pesticides (my favorite was the slug “trap” – make little balls out of masa and beer, place them under a propped up piece of cardboard, and wait for the slugs to come to the cool place with food, then stab them with a pointy stick!); environmental education tips; national park visits; youth camps etc. etc. It was a whirlwind of information, but really good. We covered pretty much everything on the list of activities that my community is interested in, so that’s definitely a positive. But that’s partly why I feel weird.

Now I have all this “training” under my belt, and I’m back in my site, and I feel like I need to start now. Right now. Like yesterday. I think I will begin with my own projects in my house and let the word percolate through the community that the gringa has a garden where she gets her fresh veggies, or she doesn’t have to burn her trash because she composts, recycles, reduces plastic use and takes the rest of it to be properly disposed. But I think that will still leave me feeling kind of…worthless. Not in the woe-is-me kind of sense, but the, what-the-heck-is-she-doing-here? kind. The “We thought we were getting a trained professional to come in and help us fix some problems in our community and she’s making dirt?!” I’m sure that’s an exaggeration, and I know that just living in this community and sharing my energy with the people I meet is a lot, but I just feel a little lazy.

Though, on the housing front, I have another option that just aparació (appeared) so I might be keeping busy in the next few weeks with setting up my house! So, I’m in a weird spot right now. That “hands up. breathe.” spot of the starting line. (To use rowing here instead of the traditional “on your mark” of track.) I can see a future with gardens and viveros (tree nurseries), compost and worms, chickens and fish, and a comfortable house to come home to after a good day at work. But right now, the path to get anywhere near these things is still a little cloudy. I think I just need some more time, and maybe some more pupusas.