It’s almost my one month anniversary of being in San Antonio Silva, and I’m in a weird place right now. I feel comfortable, physically, emotionally and mentally, but I’m not totally sure of where I’m heading. I don’t know if those things seem contradictory to you, but to me they are. I have a fairly set routine which helps me pass the days, but sometimes, that’s exactly what it feels like - just waiting for another day to pass.
I wake up at 5:45 and go running, or some other form of exercise. Oh, and pretty much the whole town thinks I’m crazy as I run past them once, twice, three and four times, but that’s okay. Maybe eventually I’ll find a running buddy, and we can be weird together! (I’m afraid that not only do they think I’m crazy, but also scary. Here in El Salvador, one of the superstitions is about really sweaty people. The conventional wisdom if that if a sweaty person approaches a little child, they can infect the child with evil spirits… Well, if there’s one thing I am when I’m running here, it’s sweaty. I hope that because it’s so hot here, maybe that superstition doesn’t apply? Nevertheless, I generally run a little faster past mothers and children, in case she gives me an evil eye or something, warding off my evil, sweaty, spirit.) After breakfast, and a refreshing shower, I generally go out with my host-grandma and interview people in the community, or just go and chat. In the afternoons I spend time with my host brother, compile information from the morning’s interviews and plan English classes or meetings with my eco-club. And that’s about it. The trips to San Miguel, or community meetings, or wakes, or whatever, don’t come along that often. My life has become fairly regimented, but in a completely non-stressful and unassuming way. It’s really quite strange.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel though; the busy, lots-of-meetings, light at the end of this two month tunnel. I officially have two groups of Guardianas Ambientales (Environmental Guardians) who will be the core of my eco-club. One group will meet Wednesday mornings because they have afternoon classes, and the other will meet Wednesdays in the afternoon because they have morning classes. I’m excited to have a group that I can focus on. It feels like something if starting to roll. However, I don’t plan on getting any “real” activities going just yet (community clean-up campaigns, compost piles etc), but instead, spend this time getting to know the kids and what they want to do with the club. In this way I feel half way in, half way out.
I also think I will be starting the English classes this week too. Though I’m still not entirely sure how I feel teaching English. A part of me is happy that I can provide a service to this community, something they are interested in (though right now, the majority of people signed up are teachers, and they are from San Miguel…) Another part of me feels completely unqualified to teach English, and therefore, I’m doing a disservice to them; another part of me is a little disappointed because I would like to spend my energy on environmental issues and finally, a tiny part of me is frustrated/afraid because a few people have expressed sentiments to me like: “oh, I can’t wait to learn English from you. In two years I’ll be fluent!” I’m frustrated because I don’t think they realize how much work that will be (for me and them) and I’m afraid that they will blame me if they aren’t fluent. I think I need to just keep reminding myself that in the end, by teaching these classes, I’m building relationships and gaining confianza (trust, confidence) with the people attending the classes. And therefore, hopefully, everyone will be more willing to work with me when I do have environmentally focused activities or projects.
So I think that’s part of why I’m feeling…a drift… right now. I’m one month in, spending time doing what I’m supposed to be doing – getting to the know my community, and letting them get to know me. But, I like to be busy, and I like to see progress and the fact that even though I’m meeting with people every day and getting lots of balls rolling doesn’t compute in my mind as progress. Also, I’m one month away from two more weeks of training, which will be a nice break before I really get working. But I have a feeling that when I get back, work will still be slow in the making. This is because the Fiestas Patronales of San Miguel are in late November (and since SAS is a part of the municipality of San Miguel, we get to party too.) And then the kids have no school in November and December, but December is one big Christmas Party and then the beginning of January is the Fiestas Patronales of Molineros (my training community) so I’m going back for those. Essentially, this all means that, maybe, come January I will have a more focused life, physically and mentally. Right now I feel like a quality candidate for space cadet of the month. Oh, and I’m still looking for a house.
awww looks like so much is going at once, but don't worry it's just the anticipation and anxiety (and the excitement too). Before you know it, everything will become clear and you'll feel "all the way in"....time is just the factor.
ReplyDelete---Later C-mama!!! lol :)
I don't know about achieving fluency, but you are certainly qualified to tell them what you know about speaking English. And probably, you are more qualified than a lot of people teaching it in the country - seeing as you're a native speaker, and all. And, you're creative, so break out that CTM and teach those teachers to sing! xoxo
ReplyDelete